WARNING: Rebecca D. shows flagrant disregard for the rules of punctuation... She uses ellipsis with wild abandon... Punctuation interventions have been done to no avail... If you are offended by such irreverence to the rules of grammar... The very glue that holds our society together... STOP READING NOW... Move on... There is a little button at the top that says "next blog"... You would be well advised to use it... You were warned...

I wish I were Agoraphobic....just a little

Monday, February 22, 2010

First off, let me say that I know Agoraphobia is a serious disorder and those who suffer from it, well, truly suffer from it....

Disclaimer aside, from time to time I really wish the outside world would just leave me alone. I just want to hole up here in my (bleach stained) yoga pants and not venture any further then my mail box. This isn't about the gray weather or laziness (although truthfully, they do have a role) it's just that I'm exhausted by all the stuff out there in the world. As most of you know, I am a really outgoing person, and I have a big personality. (Maybe too big.) That is what people see when they meet me and I think I seem tougher and thicker skinned then I am. I'm not tough, I wear my heart on my sleeve... right out there... and it is wounded and tired and overwhelmed right now. I think that because I have such a larger then life personality, and let's face it I am larger then life at size 26/28, (Did I just admit that???) that I can take it. I am not tough...I am a spineless jellyfish... I need some time to heal.. to pray.. to cry...to breathe... to rest...

But alas...I am not agoraphobic, so I am expected out there. The girlies have plans for today that require me, I have commitments that need fulfilling, at the very least my family will expect me to go to church Sunday... on and on... so I will pick up my flopping jellyfish tentacles, put on the "all is well with the world" smile and bluff my way through. I feel like I'm shoveling in a blizzard... the more you shovel... the more it snows...  I'm sure with time I will no longer feel like I want to crawl under a rock, and I do pray, that time is close at hand... this is just how I feel today...

Sorry if this post is a downer... I am just being honest here... if not here where?

Thanks for listening,

17 comments :

  1. Rebecca.. a million {{{HUGS}}} to you.. I'm praying with you.. You are beautiful inside and out. You have a heart of gold.. If today's people had 1/4 of the heart you have, Rebecca, this world would be a better place. That's to include myself.. you see people with a different heart.. and you truly do care and love your neighbors. And those that you have a hard time caring and loving you pray about. You are truly living the life God has called you to live. Rebecca, those who judge you without knowing you are truly missing out on a blessing! I love you, sister! And I pray that someday I too can care and love my neighbors the way you do!

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  2. I know what you mean. Sometimes everything just seems so complicated and overwhelming out there (here). I will be praying an extra measure of grace for you today, friend! (don't show your husband this; I know that is probably not the most theologically sound statement. Nevertheless, I WILL be praying for you.) :)

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  3. same here, sista, same here. i don't know what it'll be like when my kids are older and have pressing things like yours do that you can't back out of! i can still "escape"...

    (by the way, sharkbait is looking over my shoulder and just caught the word "jellyfish". he's demanding i scroll back up to...what? just look at the word? i wish he still took naps...!!!)

    peace to you, friend!

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  4. Hugs to you my sista. You need it - we all need it from time to time. I know I go through those feelings now and again, but like you said just pray.

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  5. Saying a prayer for you. Something must have been in the air yesterday, well this entire weekend for me. At least you made it to church and put on the smiley face. I must admit, I did neither. :( Love your beautiful heart and hugs! :)

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  6. Sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. I pray God will refresh you with His word and a restful night's sleep. Do you think it's in the air or something? I've been skulking around today too.

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  7. Hi,
    I'm returning the Friday Follow favor -
    Thanks for following me.
    Dawn Hild
    http://meandcraig.blogspot.com

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  8. I know exactly how you feel. Well, maybe not, but I did relate with this post.
    I've been wanting to go hermit for a while now.

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  9. This is definitely the place to say those things. I hope you feel better soon, but in the meantime, vent away.

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  10. peekin out from under my rock right now to say Hi. I think we all go there sometimes, or stay home there, you get it:)

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  11. Oh wait! I wanted to answer your comment on my blog. It might sound familiar because I was looking for my yoga pants!

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  12. We definitely stay home as much as possible. Luckily my little ones don't have many commitments right now, and I love it!
    Following you back from Friday Follows!

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  13. I definitely feel this way sometimes too! I think when we feel that way, it helps to know we're not alone :)
    And how was I not following you yet? Fixing that now!

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  14. Sometimes we all need a rock to hide under. Great blog, I'm in middle tn and this weather is getting me in a funk as well. Here's to feeling better all around! But keep on the yoga pants, they are super comfy.

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  15. I have felt so much like this ever since JJ got sick the first time shortly after he was born. Ive always been so outgoing and friendly, spending 20 years as a flight attendant... really can't be more outgoing than that... it is like a sky cheerleader with chicken and beef for pom pom's... anyway ever since JJ has been sick and continues to get sick... I get more and more displaced... then moving here with to NWA when we found out how contanimated our living condition was in CA and now being seperated (not technically just physically seperated) from John so he can continue working in CA and I can carry on with JJ's healthcare here... ugh... I just want to glue my jammie pants onto my bottom and settle on the bobbypin to hold my bangs back and just shell up here in my house!! LOL. So I completely get ya!! I hope you feel better soon... and my heart goes out to you...
    xo xo
    Bryanna

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  16. I spent yesterday in my paint-stained yoga pants...man I love those things!! Sometimes we just can't seem to catch our breath, right? Thanks for your comment on my post yesterday...I know some days its really hard to see the 'light at the end of the tunnel' but I guess that's why its so important to keep trucking on...some days. I totally spent yesterday afternoon 'on break' and planning to do the same for at least a few hours today! Helps make those busy days a little more manageable! Hope you have a better week..sending *internet hugs* your way!

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  17. I totally hear ya. I've been feeling this way a lot lately too. I just want to hide away but with kids we just can't can we. They make us go out in the world.

    I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I'll pray for you could you pray for me too? :o)

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