WARNING: Rebecca D. shows flagrant disregard for the rules of punctuation... She uses ellipsis with wild abandon... Punctuation interventions have been done to no avail... If you are offended by such irreverence to the rules of grammar... The very glue that holds our society together... STOP READING NOW... Move on... There is a little button at the top that says "next blog"... You would be well advised to use it... You were warned...

Did I ever tell you about the time...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

...I went insane for a couple hours and ended up a fugitive from the law?

No.... well that's because I never tell this story.. up until yesterday I didn't really see the humor in this.. but Sparky and I were running errands yesterday and we went down this particular memory lane and were laughing so hard we were crying...

First of all I have a "pathological fear"... Websters defines a pathological fear as "a fear being to such to a degree that is extreme, excessive, or markedly abnormal" My particular fear is of law enforcement... being arrested, to be specific... as a child I was spending the night at a friend's house when the police came in the middle of the night... broke down the door and arrested her dad... it turned out to be a HUGE misunderstanding, but it effected me... the yelling... the crying... it left me with a pathological fear... one that has kept me on the right side of the law...

Fast forward to four years ago... we were Living in Waterville (ME) and the girlies were in public school there...  I was picking Sparky up for school... I had just picked up Cate and was waiting for Sparky at her school... she came out and told me she had a make-up test to do (she had the flu the week before) and asked if we could wait. I parked the van and Cate and I went inside. We chatted with her teacher while Sparky finished up. At that moment another teacher poked her head in and asked if anyone had a green mini-van.. I told her I did and she informed me there had been an accident, someone had hit my van, but don't worry... they'd called the police... my mind I flashed on the expired licence in my wallet... I had been meaning to take care of it for some time, but I got busy...(story of my life..) and here is where pathological fear took over... I think I may have lost my mind for a little while...

I grabbed Sparky's coat and Cate and said "we gotta go" and I fled the scene... yes, you read that right.. I left at high speed on foot.. with 10 year old Sparky and 13 year old Cate following along dumbfoundedly behind... I fled into the neighborhood and hid behind a parked car in someones driveway... (crazy... believe me I know...) I told the girlies that the police were going to arrest me and we had to hide until it was safe to go home... a few moments later a police car went by slowly and Sparky started to panic too... if I'd been in my right mind I'd have assured her everything was fine, but clearly I wasn't in my right mind... We were there for what at the time seemed like hours... but was really only about 30-45 minutes...Cate (always the practical one) asked if we should call someone to come get us.... (as police continued to circle) I called a good friend... and told her I was "on the run from the police" and if she could come get me and the girls we could drop them off at home and I'd "turn myself in"...

"What did you do?" she asked... "my license expired" i said... after I assured her I wasn't joking... she agreed to pick us up... little did I know that my fleeing had sparked a city wide search for me... the baffled police look up my (non-existent) record based on my plates and couldn't figure what was going on... they called in detectives who dug and managed to find a ten year old ticket for "dog at large" (when our dog hopped the fence and was picked up by the dog catcher...) but nothing else... they looked up the Axeman's record... clean... they ran the girlies finger prints in case they were kidnapped...nope...

My friend picked us up and as we drove around aimlessly I started to re-join reality bit by bit... I called the Axeman and he agreed to meet us at home, and left work... we headed that way... we dropped off the girlies and we picked him up... I didn't know unmarked police were watching our house... they followed us... as we drove past the van to assess the damage and took time for my husband and friend to reassure me it was in fact best to "turn myself in".. little did we know there was another unmarked police car by the school... they joined the now three car...chase?... well there was no chase as they never attempted to pull us over... I guess you could call it a slow-speed parade? When we took my husband home to be with the girlies and reassure them nothing was wrong, so my friend could take me to the police station. She informed me that about four cars behind her was a police car... (as were the three between us... good thing I didn't know at the time...) I told her if they don't pull us over to go ahead and take us home... when we turned onto our dead-end street two cars blocked the road behind us, and as I got out of the car I was approached by a (very kind) police man... this is how our conversation went:

Police Officer: Rebecca D------?

Me: Yes

PO: Is everything ok?

ME: Someone hit my car...

PO: We know... why did you run?

ME: I didn't want to be arrested.

PO: Why did you think we were going arrest you?

ME: My licence is expired.

PO: ok... anything else?

ME: No, I've just always had a fear of being arrested.

PO: Have you ever been arrested?

ME: no

PO: We ran your record... you don't have one...

ME: I know...I was about to turn myself in.

PO: For driving on an expired license? (here he is trying not to laugh... be strong man..)

ME: yeah... and I guess "leaving the scene of a crime?"

PO: Someone hit you.. actually your parked vehicle...there was no crime for you to flee...

Here is where he tells me about the APB (all points bulletin.. for you non-criminals)... the city wide search...the background checks... detectives... and the "chase" through town... all with a strait face... not me... now I am sitting on the porch laughing my head off... yes, reality had set in... he did give me a $50 ticket for "driving on an expired licence - first offence" ... that was it...

Yes folks... you read that right... I fled the law...became a fugitive... tramatized my girlies.... to avoid a $50 ticket... yes... quite the criminal mastermind...

And that is why this is truly my most embarrassing story...

On a positive note.. now that I've face this fear, it seems much diminished... and that is what I intended to tell my children's future therapists...

Thanks for listening,

I'm linked up..


  1. That really is a Great story! I could picture you hiding behind the car. I always feel guilty when the police are behind me and I've never even had a ticket. Not to mention my sister is a retired officer, I know she would enjoy hearing this one too!

  2. Bahahahaha! Oh my goodness! Thanks for lifting me out of my Thursday blues! This is great. I'm going to read it to my husband tonight! :)

  3. Haha I love this story :) as it reminds me of something I myself would do, because once I start something, I just can't stop...even when it starts to get a little ridiculous. Love it love it.

  4. What a great story, I could not stop laughing. Thanks for sharing, you made my day. Ha Ha.

  5. The more I read about you the most I think we are kindred spirits!!! This is a great story. :o)

  6. I'm laughing, picturing the whole Waterville precinct engaged in an all-out woman hunt! So funny!
    Thanks for linking up this week!

  7. Oh my word...this is absolutely hysterical. Thanks for the laugh!

  8. Hi! Visiting and now following from Follow Friday. This cracked me up!!!

  9. Oh good grief. That is stinking HYSTERICAL. I'm dying here!!! :)

  10. Oh. My. Goodness!

    Thanks for telling that story.

    Not sure how I found your blog (link to link to link) but I'm glad I did.

  11. That may be the most hysterical story I have EVER read!

    Thank you for brightening my afternoon.


  12. Ohmygosh!! Girl you had me laughing so hard I was crying!! That's hilarious!

    I'm terrified of being pulled over. I don't know why...it just scares the crap out of me, lol!


  13. Oh, that is the funniest thing I've read in ages! Thank you so much for posting it! :)

  14. I have tears in my eyes from laughing.. although I've heard this story in person.. it stills cracks me up.. and it's definiately something I would do! Thanks for the laugh I was feeling a little down! ;-)

  15. I. Can't. Stop. Laughing! And I really should or I'm going to wake up the kids.

  16. That is HILARIOUS! Thank you for sharing this story...and for the laugh!

  17. extreme, excessive, MARKEDLY abnormal...be strong, man...slow-speed parade?

    you ARE the criminal MASTERMIND, woman!!!

  18. Something very darkly malevolent in me is always wickedly tickled whenever I discover someone else has... shall we say... issues too. Oh sure, you think you've cured this one, but trust me; where there is one, there are more. Muah ah ah!

  19. Ohmygosh... that is hilarious! Makes me feel better about the stupid, illogical things I do :) Hey, my husband and I just decided to homeschool our kids (3rd and 7th grades) next year, so I'm going to cruise around your blog here for a bit. Do you have a post or anything about what made you choose to homeschool?

    Oh, and happy Sits Sharefest!

  20. Omgeesh. I'm here for Sits Saturday Share Fest and am so glad I came.

    This is absolutely hilarious and I can imagine all the cackling laughter that is involved in reminiscing. This story is so funny it's almost unreal.

    Now, your girls have a story of when they ran from the police with their mom. I can imagine the best college entrance essays coming out of this. :)


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