I am not ready.
Ready for what you ask? Ready for the next generation to start. I know this is a transition all moms go through, but I thought I'd have more time. With my older daughter who will be 20 this month less than 100 days away from her wedding and my younger girlie (nearly 17) embracing adulthood like a hug from a long awaited friend's arrival, I am freaking out more than a little. Most moms have until their kids are into their twenties before they fully embrace adulthood... They ease out of the house with college, coming home for breaks and being a little different with each visit... Mine are rushing out of the nest at high speed, and I am not ready. What happened to my cute little girls in matching dresses... American girl dolls & barbies everywhere? Wasn't that just yesterday?
Just the other day I heard a rumor that some people think I must be in a hurry for them to grow up and marry... WHAT????? Do I support Cate in her marraige, and Sparky on her path, of course I do, but rushing them into adulthood? What kind of insane mother would do that? I got engaged at 17 and married at 18 and we eloped. I never wanted to elope, nobody in either his or my family supported us. The decided if they did not encourage us we would slow down. This has permanently harmed our relationships with our families. Paul has not had any contact with anyone in his family since his father's funeral 13 years ago. (His mother died before we met.) As for my relationship with my family, it had been strained for years. I try to just focus on today and not look at all those old hurts, but as we prepare with Cate for this wedding I can't help but be sad for all I missed out on. So, am I in a hurry for them to grow up? NO WAY! Will I support them as they find their paths, YES!!! I never want to not have contact with one of my girls for 13 years!
Support them? Sure... Have a good time helping to plan their futures, of course... Am I sometimes overcome with grief that they are leaving the nest so quickly? Yes, I am...
I even suggested to Paul we have another child... I am only 39 after all... He said I was being nuts. He is looking forward to this next chapter. Don't get me wrong, he loves his daughters as much as I do, but he is looking forward to time for just the two of us. I know that is sweet... I should be rejoicing that my husband of 21 years can't wait to spend time alone with me... I know that all moms have to figure out this transition... I am just feeling like I'm not ready.
Thanks for listening,