The Punch Line...

 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free  John 8:23

Yesterday we finally got to meet with the pastor and a couple from the leadership team at our church. (If you are not up on the youth group/church drama we are dealing with you can catch up here.) Earlier today I posted the letter we sent to them and now I will share (as Paul likes to call it) the Punch Line... (This is gonna be a long post... sorry!)

We got to our 7 AM meeting having just prayed together before going in. We got there and the pastor prayed then immediately told us "I'm sorry, clearly you guys come from a different biblical point of view and are accustomed to a different structure of church government then we embrace here at CLFC and I should have never allowed you to take a position of leadership here at CLFC. That is my fault and I take the full blame." We just kind of didn't respond to this very much. These kind of sweeping statements are how he likes to operate and they are his way of directing the conversation. Plus there was so much wrong with that statement we could have spent the whole meeting debating the merits of it, and never focused on the point at hand. (This could have been his goal now that I think about it.)

Thankfully the couple who are part of the leadership there took control of the meeting and we got down to brass tacks. Paul told them we still didn't know for sure what we were being accused of, and he produced a list the pastor had given him (and the entire leadership team) of accusations against us. A two page list! And quite frankly when he started reading it out loud, in the context and language it was written in it were quite damning. We came off as sounding like out of control people, and he only read about a third of the list. It was a horrible and confusing moment. Until we started going through the items we were accused of item by item... A lot of them were either so out of context it was crazy, a few of them were out right lies based on a tiny thread of truth, and at least one of them was a comment made by Paul to the pastor in our meeting with him. (How is something he said in confidence in our meeting with him in any way hurtful to the whole youth and how did it end up on his list of accusations against us?) The problem with "the list" is that it didn't indicate who accused us of saying it and/or when we were accused of saying it... (We never actually saw a copy of the list either.) And since these things were supposed to have done and/or said were not actual quotes and had no context, it took a while for us to figure out if they were blatant lies or based on some thread of truth. (None that were named we actual and whole truth and none on their own merit should have been acted on in the way it was.)

There was the initial accusation that was named in the middle of the list... The one that we had heard about through gossip, but were unable to verify until yesterday.  This was a huge misunderstanding, something I said twisted way out of context and repeated in a hurtful way as gossip by a teenager. We would have liked to clear this up over two weeks ago when it occurred, but nobody would talk to us and this has been allowed to fester and now it has taken on a life of it's own. That is a whole separate issue at this point, and we do intend to try to have someone mediate a meeting with this family to try to clear up the issue. I do fear so much time has past we may never be restored in their eyes, but I know all things are possible with the Lord and we plan to try either way. 

As we talked more, the items on the list started to come up one by one and as we went through the ones read to us we were able to start shedding light on what can only be described as an all out attempt to attack us. Let me give you an example of one of the most outrageous accusations:  Accusation: Rebecca asked a girl in front of the whole youth group if she was pregnant. Truth: At a lunch after church with a visiting pastor that the youth group were invited to he (the visiting pastor) asked how Katy and Jed met and started dating. They told him the story of how when they came to us at dinner time last summer to ask if they could date they were nervous and started the conversation "We have something we want to talk to you about." and I jokingly asked Katy "Are you pregnant?" and that broke the ice, we all laughed...They asked us their real question... end of story... Jed told this story at the lunch... Yep... You read that right, the accusation was based on a funny family story shared over lunch! I didn't even tell the story.

It became abundantly clear that someone was out to smear us and our names and that person looks to be the pastor. When asked why he didn't bring these accusations to us as they came in, he claimed most of them just came up in the last two weeks... A lot of them were about things that happened months ago, when asked about this he claimed that people were afraid to come forward until now. He also claims these come from more then the two families who have continually had issues with us since taking over this position. Since we have been contacted by all the families except those two offering their prayers and support, either we have a bunch of two-faced families OR this was based on a lie.

Here is the thing, there were at least two other bold faced lies uttered by the pastor at that meeting. One about something Paul said and when he said it, and the other about the name of a church in Bangor (such a weird thing to lie about, but he was cornered answering a question that made him uncomfortable.) There were numerous other half-truths  told, but I don't even know what to do with those. I don't take calling someone on lies lightly... There have been plenty of times when I said things I thought were true and later found out differently, I have always counted on grace in those situations. In fact there have been several things said to us by him in our meetings in the past or things he has claimed and/or stories he told that we have questioned, but we have always decided to come at it from a point of grace and give him the benefit of the doubt. There is no way to sugar coat what was said yesterday.

We have as a family had about as much of this as we can take. Our final decision is that even though we believe the Lord called us to this church to work with the student ministry, because of the actions of man we can no longer be effective in that role. Even though the leadership who were there yesterday were trying to figure a way for us to remain in that role, without the support of the pastor we didn't see how to make it work. Also, there is no way for us to sit in that church week after week and not to become more jaded towards the pastor, and eventually become a source of division. So we have decided (for now at least) to leave the church. Sadly when we made this announcement yesterday in the meeting the pastor actually smiled... I don't know why... Were we such a thorn in his side that he takes joy in our departure? We did promise the leadership not to make any "final" decisions until we met with them further, and we will hold to that.

So, how do I feel it went? I actually felt good when we left. The pastor did make some attempts to apologise to us as we were leaving. I don't think he sounded overly sincere, but I don't know his heart and if he wants to meet with us in the future and seek forgiveness we are open to it. For now we will be working with the leadership to resolve the few issues that have some truth to them. These are with those two families who have continually not supported us, so I have doubts as to how effective this will be and one of the families have had so much fuel poured on their fire, I don't even know what angle we will approach it from. The biggest challenge is how to proceed from here? How do we move on with this cloud of suspicion hanging over us? Everyone believes we did something wrong. With the exception the leadership who were at that meeting with us yesterday... It does feel good when you finally get to speak and people acknowledge the truth when they hear it. So, do we have to tell everyone the whole story? How do we clear our names without causing division in that church? Do we just have to live under this dark cloud that has unfairly been cast over us? You see, I can tell the whole story to you my bloggy friends, since only one local friend reads my blog anyhow. (And she already knew the whole story.) But if I were to put a link to this post on my Facebook page, all you know what would break out... Pray for us that we know how to proceed from here. Also pray for Katy and Jed's wedding, this will surely effect it greatly.

Thanks for listening,