WARNING: Rebecca D. shows flagrant disregard for the rules of punctuation... She uses ellipsis with wild abandon... Punctuation interventions have been done to no avail... If you are offended by such irreverence to the rules of grammar... The very glue that holds our society together... STOP READING NOW... Move on... There is a little button at the top that says "next blog"... You would be well advised to use it... You were warned...

You Can Lead A Horse To Water...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

But you can't make them drink...

and...

If you try... Best case scenario all you get is a dead horse and an exhausted you...

What does that have to do with anything you ask? Well, I feel this analogy especially holds true for homeschooling high school. I tried everything in my power to make Sparky "drink" algebra last year... I taught, I bribed, I begged, I punished (oh boy did I punish...) and all of that by October... There was non stop strife over this subject in our household... I was exhausted, I was also teaching a 12th grader and was tired of fighting with her, so I gave up... I threw in the towel and bought an expensive computer led curriculum... I needed to take me out of the equation, (forgive the pun) and she needed to take ownership of learning algebra...

Jump ahead several peace filled months, her grades were up and I was glad she was doing much better. There was peace in the household and I had hope our mother/daughter relationship might not be damaged. I should have been happy with the total turn around but the discrepancy between her test grades and daily assignment grades worried me. She has never been a strong tester in math subjects, but chalk it up to a mother's intuition... I toyed around with her curriculum and discovered how a smart lazy kid could pull a fast one on it... Could actually con the computer into doing most of the work for them... I had no proof this is what she was doing, but I had my suspicions... I talked to her dad about this and we sat her down and talked to her. We didn't ask for a confession, nor did she offer one. We explained how from this point on all math builds on what she had just learned. We explained how she would only be hurting herself. We explained that she was only setting herself up for failure in the future. Did our discussion sink in? I don't think so, and this spring happened... Sick grandparents... Us flying back and forth... Graduation... Prom... Moving... She miraculously passed algebra with a very low C...

Fast forward to this year... Public School & Geometry... Does she remember anything she learned in Algebra 1... Nope... None... Nada... Zilch... She barely remembers the stuff from pre-algebra... Does she need to live with the consequences of this? Yes... Absolutely... Here's the thing I struggle with, do I go talk to the school and tell them my fears about her mathematics foundation?Would I be throwing her under the bus?  Do I let her struggle through and deal with this on her own? Why do I feel so terrible, I felt at the time I had done everything I could... Did I? (Wait... I don't want to know...)  What would you do? Keeping in mind I can't go back and re-do last year... As much as I wish I could right now. I guess I could make her do a review...  Sink or swim is so much harder when it's your baby in the pool...

When does this motherhood thing get easier and when does the guilt let up?

Thanks for listening,

5 comments :

  1. Mine are 20 and 22...the motherhood thing has not gotten easier.

    I don't know that I'd go to the school yet. If she is truly struggling can she talk to the teacher about getting extra help after school (still keeping you out of the equation)? That would be my first step. If she can get some extra help after school or another time and the teacher or tutor works one on one and says, whoa...you need to back up...then I'd take the next step.

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  2. Hi Rebecca, I ended up having to get a tutor for my daughter. She works with her for an hour one day a week on her algebra. I still wonder if she will ever retain "algebra" i surely did not!

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  3. I think I hear you beating yourself up, as if this is a short-coming in your role as teacher. This problem is not exclusively in the homeschooling domain. All children flim-flam their parents. That certainty rests in our prewired propensity to violate the fifth commandment. Struggling in math or any other subject is also perfectly normal. I'm pretty sure my son wouldn't have passed Spanish if the girl who sat next to him didn't write big. (just kidding... I hope.)

    In my judgement, she's old enough to own this problem. She may need to see if there is an after school tutoring program. Best wishes!

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  4. after a little retail therapy and a looooooong, hot shower, i'd tell my daughter my true feelings/fears and ask her what she's going through. you did have a talk or two with her, but did you let her know what doubts you're having? how does she feel about the way math did go and is going? she's mature enough to understand and to love you more for your transparency.

    then, tell her that she is old enough to figure this out, but that you'll offer whatever help she needs (tutor, talk to teacher, etc).

    but that's coming from me, mom to young ones and overly counselor-ish...

    i love talking about feelings :)

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  5. What does Sparky think? Maybe getting extra help, or a tutor would keep her afloat, or would she feel like she's just getting further and further behind?

    I think I would ask her, before talking to the school. I forget what grade she is, so I'm not putting in perspective how many years of HS she still has, relating to how much math she needs under her belt before graduation. (As far as going back and re-doing algebra would go...)

    But, Rebecca, NOT YOUR FAULT :D Who knows how she would've done taking algebra in the public school, you know? The homeschool coop out here teaches Algebra two ways. A few kids (that use the coop) take it in one year, but most take two. They call it "Decompressed Algebra".

    But anyway, you've already got a handle on this being a life-lesson type of situation for her. You're doing a GREAT JOB. She is learning a lot more than math.

    Julie

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