WARNING: Rebecca D. shows flagrant disregard for the rules of punctuation... She uses ellipsis with wild abandon... Punctuation interventions have been done to no avail... If you are offended by such irreverence to the rules of grammar... The very glue that holds our society together... STOP READING NOW... Move on... There is a little button at the top that says "next blog"... You would be well advised to use it... You were warned...

At least the sun is shining...

Friday, November 12, 2010

You know when you are just about to get on a roller coaster at theme parks there is that one final "chicken exit" to allow you one last chance to change your mind? Well, I wished a lot the last few weeks that life had one... and I am starting to see the wisdom of why there isn't one.

Sorry I am so inconsistent in posting these days... I think about you guys all the time, but am going through a rough patch. I try to be upbeat for y'all, even funny when I can but life is beating me up a lot lately and it has been hard to find positive spin.

As most of you know by now, we moved to Maine from Tennessee this summer to take care of my aging parents after my mother got breast cancer this spring. It has been difficult lately...Ok... That's an understatement.
There is a reason nobody who lived closer was willing to help or continue helping them. You see my mother has certain personality "quirks" that makes her difficult to deal with on a long term basis. She is generally a really sweet, generous woman but she does have an extremely lazy streak mixed with a somewhat over active since of entitlement... Mix those together and it can be extremely hard to be the one in the position of helping her. She literally won't do anything for herself if she thinks someone else can or will do it... and I do mean anything. (I am trying to avoid being somewhat graphic here...) One additional downside of this is that if you do something for her once she now sees it as your job... forever. As for her sense of entitlement she believes she is entitled to a life free from any physical discomfort and will refuse to do anything that may cause her discomfort if she can get away with it... To this end she also feel entitled to any assistance she may need in her quest to avoid all forms of physical discomfort. I could give you guys tons of examples of this, but promised myself I wouldn't allow this post or this blog for that fact to become a rant about my struggles with caring for my aging parents. I will tell you I did have yet another long hard conversation with her the other day. These talks do seem to help but it doesn't seem to last long and each time it is extremely emotionally draining for me.

On another front, poor Sparky quickly followed her first love with her first heartbreak. They met only a couple months ago and only officially "dated" for three weeks so the "adult" in me says it should be no big deal, but I see the pain she felt and it is very real. It brings back all those memories of heartbreak from that age. My personal theory is that with the lack of life experiences to teach them to guard their hearts teens seem to feel these things extremely deeply... I don't know what really caused the breakup... I'm not sure they do either. (And I don't really want to air all her personal stuff here.) I just know that the tears Sparky shed for days were very real and it was heart-wrenching to watch. It would be easy to blame it all on the boy, but realistically he is a great kid. In fact as much as I wanted to be mad at him for causing my baby such pain, I have to admit there is part of me who will miss having him around. The "breakup" happened last Sunday, and last night we were completely tear free for the first time so maybe she is starting to move on a little. She isn't in any hurry to try dating again anytime soon which is good news for both of us!

To add to all the fun in our lives we are currently looking for a new church. When the girlies and I were flying back and forth this spring we went to a local church that I went to as a child and have family that goes to church there. The girlies and I liked it a lot but understood that when we decided to move here that my husband might not feel the same way. We were relieved when he liked it too, he had a few reservations, but overall he was ok with us continuing to worship there. Flash forward a few months and we decided to take the "membership classes"... This is when we found out that we have some major doctrinal differences of opinion with part of the church (including the pastor)... We could maybe live with some of the differences ,but it turns out there is a split in the church on doctrine. They don't make a clear choice on where they stand on some issues that are important to us. For Paul the decision to look elsewhere was less about the differences in doctrine, but about the choice they make for ambiguity. He is a "mean what you say and say what you mean" kind of guy and he just didn't see how we could continue to seek membership there. We tried to quietly leave the membership course but of course the pastor and some others wanted to "meet" with us to find out why. They understood our reasons, but it became abundantly clear to us during that meeting that this might not be the right church for us. We have visited a couple churches, and there are two more we want to try, but lets face it, Maine feels about as far away from the "Bible-Belt" as you can get. We are not exactly spoiled for choice here, so pray for us that we can find where we belong. I really need that support of a stable, consistent place to worship with like believers to feel grounded. (And boy oh boy do I need to feel grounded somewhere right now..)

You put all of those things together and add the fact that I really don't have any friends I can talk to here yet and two weeks of nearly non-stop gray, rainy weather you get a Rebecca looking for the "chicken exit." I am sorry I haven't been a very good bloggy friend lately... I am going to do better...

I felt like I needed something to look forward to... Then I remembered, Christmas is just around the corner and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Christmas... I would have to work hard not to be happy at Christmas time... I fully intend to bore y'all with lots of posts about my obsession with all things Christmas...

Thanks for listening,


  1. I'm so sorry you're going through this rough time. I've recently undergone a move as well, and although I'm not dealing with the intense task of taking care of a difficult parent (MAN you are a patient woman!), I can understand the rest of it. I LOVE the fact that you decided to look forward to Christmas! Just the anticipation makes everything seem bright and shiny, doesn't it? Hang in there, Dear! Hugs!

  2. Sending you warm wishes Rebecca and hoping that things start shaping up for you soon!

  3. It is your step dad who has alzheimers, right? I guess I'm asking 'cause your mom sounds a lot like my grandma. This thing about just pushing people to do everything for them. The laziness, and so forth. But anywho it got worse as she got dementia. Literally at one point she would ask for people to do things for her nonstop. NONSTOP. Over and over. ("I need a pillow under my arm. Take the pillow away. I need a pillow. .. ").

    I'm sure that is really hard. I'm sorry. It got to a point with my grandma that they were encouraged to tell her "sorry", they couldn't help with anything. It only got better after that. Wish I could help you and give you a break!

  4. Oh Rebecca, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I know what you mean about friends. I've been here just over a year and still feel pretty alone most of the time. Thank heavens for my kiddos! Hang in there! You've got lots of "cyber" friends who are "here" for you. Many, many HUGS to you!!!

  5. Lots of prayers and (((HUGS)))for you!

  6. Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Praying that things get better.

  7. Wow, Rebecca. I'm so sorry for everything you've been going through. There is so much I'd say if we were facing each other over a cup of coffee, but I decided that this was too public a forum for many of the things I'd like to tell you. Suffice to say, I truly have been where you are right now. There are two things about this trial I know for sure: God's grace is sufficient, and each morning, His mercies are new.

    I can remember looking around a hospital room just searching for His mercy. I never failed to find it and sustaining grace throughout our ordeal.

  8. Rebecca,

    Glad to see you back in the bloggy world, even though things are hard right now, with Sparky's emotions, the church situation, your mom... everything.

    Must seem overwhelming. Wish we were closer. I'd buy you coffee. And make cookies. ;D

    In the middle of it all, fix your mind on what you know to be true. Personally, I cling to 2 Corinthians 4. Memorized the whole chapter one very trying year.

    Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary (though it doesn't seem like it) afflictions are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

    If you could hear my voice, that's meant as warm sisterly encouragement, not a kick in the pants.

    Praying that you are inwardly renewed and refreshed,


  9. I am sorry for the rough patch. It certainly sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Poor Sparky. :( I hope she cheers up soon.

  10. Friends across the miles are thinking and praying for you all today.

    Love ya,


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