WARNING: Rebecca D. shows flagrant disregard for the rules of punctuation... She uses ellipsis with wild abandon... Punctuation interventions have been done to no avail... If you are offended by such irreverence to the rules of grammar... The very glue that holds our society together... STOP READING NOW... Move on... There is a little button at the top that says "next blog"... You would be well advised to use it... You were warned...

Though My Heart Is Torn... I Will Praise You In This Storm!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Today my heart is torn... There are no words to describe my grief... After youth last night we were called into the pastors office and told that they had decided to suspend us AND the student ministry for 60 days. He absolutely refused to give us a reason, just saying he feels like Satan is attacking our student ministry and he wants time to discern where the attack is coming from.

We were able to ascertain that there is some accusation against Paul & myself that prompted this, but he categorically refused to tell us what the accusation is and who is making it. We are completely in the dark... There will be no student ministry during this time, our youth are for all intents and purposes cast out... I am bereft... For some of these kids this is the only church they get... We will never get some of them back...

Paul and I have wracked our brains, we have always acted above reproach with these kids... Paul's teaching has always been biblical and in alignment with the beliefs of our church... We try our best to conduct our home life in a honorable way... Our daughters are living examples of this... We, like all people have sin in our lives, but nothing that we know about that we are not actively dealing with, and definitely nothing that would preclude us from serving in this ministry... We can only assume some lie, some slander has been leveled against us, but since we don't know what it is or who it comes from we too feel cast out.

Paul is angry...He feels our integrity is in question. I am... There are no words... We know it can't be a question of our conduct with these kids since Paul asked if this ban extends to the youth who tend to hang out at our home regularly and without batting an eye we were told they could still hang out here as long as it was in an "unofficial" capacity. No responsible person would say that if we were being accused of some kind of physical misconduct with these kids, so we have (kind-of) ruled that out.

I begged and sobbed and pleaded that they not suspend the entire ministry, that these kids need it, to please bring in someone else, but it fell on deaf ears. We were told by our pastor the most cold hearted thing I think I have ever heard... That they (he) had done a "cost/benefit analysis" and decided this was the way to go... What cost/benefit analysis, what pro/con list would come up with the souls of these kids on the losing side?

We had to go home and post the suspension on our facebook page then deal with the emails and phone calls of our kids for the rest of the night... One boy was so upset he had to call me back he was crying so hard... Some are like him, grief stricken, others are mad and want to stage protests, others are (and these are the ones that kill me) not surprised... They said they feel like second class citizens in the Church (not just ours but any church).

Please lift us up...
Thanks for listening,


  1. Oh Rebecca, I am SO sorry that your family is going through this. We too are youth pastors so I can completely relate to how devastating this situation must be for you. I can't imagine what it would do to us as well as the teenagers in our lives if it were taken away from us. I will definitely keep you in my prayers this week. Keep us updated, if you are able. I pray the reasons are revealed soon and that you can get some answers.

  2. Oh Rebecca, my heart is hurting for you. Praying that somehow the Lord is glorified through this.

    If there's any (small) benefit to this it's that you're (sort of) freed up to focus on the girls and upcoming weddings, but I know that's not much consolation at this point.

    I don't understand it. I can only guess that the pastor feels bombarded by parents with complaints, even if they're unreasonable ones.

    But honestly, I have no comfort but this... the Lord WILL be glorified (we get to decide if we're going to cooperate or not), and He is not surprised or caught off guard.

    Praying for your comfort and wisdom,


  3. I am so sorry that you are going through this trial. I will pray for the kids who will be affected by this abrupt change and for you all as well. I agree that God will be glorified in this, but I get how hard that is to see in the midst of the storm. (And as for the cost/benefit analysis--I wish I could say that I couldn't imagine a pastor saying that. But I can.)

  4. Wow. Don't know what to say but I'm praying for you all. What an emotional upheaval.

  5. I'm sorry Rebecca-- I don't understand why you don't have a right to know. If it's specifically supposedly about you, you have every right in the world, don't you??

    I hope you can feel some comfort about this. And I hope someone uses their brain and changes their mind.


  6. Well, this just takes the cake. I mean really, where is Jesus in all this? It doesn't sound very Biblical to me. Is the pastor saying that because some of the kids don't have parents in the church who tithe that the ministry isn't cost effective?
    I hope you and your family and the youth group members will be in church next Sunday with your heads held high. If you have any support in the church at all, this will work out just fine. Be strong and know that God will work this out for good.

  7. Oh Rebecca! I am so sorry for everyone involved. Let's hope it doesn't take 60 days to get figured out!

  8. So many thoughts swirling around in my head. Just know, sweet friend, I am lifting you (and Paul) up in prayer.

    -Allison P.

  9. Does the person who sees evil in all things hold the purse strings for a large portion of money that is given to the church? cost/benifit comment

    The card game....they may see it as evil encroaching...you mentioned that in one of your posts.
    he said evil was encroaching

    money is the root of all evil. :) B.

  10. Oh my goodness. Praying for you all...especially the kids...wow.


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